What Anger Isn’t

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I teach patients about reducing stress to achieve optimal health and hormone balance.
I teach patients that past stress and trauma need to be resolved; and emotional peace needs to be achieved for long term health and longevity.

In my own life I have had to overcome childhood stresses and loss, grief and pain. I was a very angry person without knowing it.
I had a temper on me that was scary, only known to those close to me.

Listening to my friend Rick Titan made me realize that even though I had to overcome issues with anger, it is NOT something I mention to all my patients.
Yet, it is likely one of the most common issues we face in humanity.
I learned that anger results from blocked goals. Expectations that are not met.

How often does that happen in a day?

Very often!!!

And anger leads to stress hormone imbalance, accelerated aging, disease progression and death!

So here is a lovely article from Rick Titan.

Dr. Natasha Iyer MD

Coming from an angry, ego-based sports entertainment background and then having studied Buddhism under a Monk and studying Neuro Linguistic Programming for 13 years, I have seen and lived the polar opposites of total aggression and absolute peace.

After doing a recent workshop on Anger, on how to raise ones’ awareness when it bubbles up, how to breathe into the pain of it, displace it, then replace it – or at the very least flow through it and minimize it; I’ve seen a common thread. That the majority of people don’t think that Anger is a problem in their lives. They know that they don’t blow up, they don’t throw, break or smash things like the Incredible Hulk, and for the most part, the more civilized of us don’t scream, swear or name-call at others.

So for most of us this is what Anger isn’t. They are absolutely right! That kind of Anger does not exist in their lives. That being said, after 10’s of thousands of discussions with people over the years – every single person I have spoken to – bar none, has expressed frustration. They have resentments. They hold Anger for the wrongs that happened to them in the past. They may even harbour hatred for someone. The list goes on… self-loathing, huge arguments over petty things or situations that can be easily resolved, seething, quiet Anger, annoyances, irritations – which ruin our day and so on. These less-than-conscious Angers are the dangerous ones. The gradual build-ups that destroy relationships. The fault-finding, the grudge-holding & point-keeping. The repetitive stress of employees, co-workers or children not doing what they ‘should’ do. The high blood pressure. The strokes. The heart attacks. It’s almost never one huge bout of Anger that causes these illnesses and even the ultimate – death. It’s the cumulative small Angers that lead to dis-ease and depression.

Now before I scare you off completely, I want you to know that there is a way out. Life doesn’t have to be that way. Again, a lot of people are turned off by the phrase “You have to take responsibility and only then can you make positive change.” Yes, there is validity in this, however this statement is akin to your Partner telling you to: “Relax!” or “Just forget about it.” or the ever popular “Just let it go.” So… say for example that you wanted to be a world class Salsa dancer or Baseball Player. An equal statement would be “Just set yourself free and dance!” or “You have to play baseball and try really hard.” Sure… but How? The real key to the “How” is to learn information that is outside our current mental scope. – It’s the only way we can hope to grow as a human being and live the lifestyle that we choose. Not one that ‘happens to us’ by accident. A Default Lifestyle. Where we feel like our life is just a raft being cast back & forth in a river! In this way we live from our Source and teach others how to treat us and treat ourselves from a Higher Level as well. Once caveat here is that the following is easier said than done. It takes work. Are you up for the challenge?

  1. Recognize the discomfort of the Anger. Act as the “Observer” and notice it. “Hmmm, I’m getting Angry… isn’t that interesting.
  2. Notice the Anger just as it Begins to “Bubble Up”. Most of us notice it when it’s too late and Anger has taken us over! Then, Pinpoint what Hurts. What’s at the Root? The Basis of it? Really feel into this. Oftentimes the hurt is something from the past that the current event has simply triggered in us.
  3. How Big is it? (the Problem) Usually the so-called problem is really just a minor inconvenience or irritation. Yet we let it ruin our whole day.
  4. Shrink it down. The Problem or Unpleasant Emotion. Keep in mind… the Real Problem Is… the Unpleasant Emotion. And Displace it. (This is a Contemplation/Meditation exercise that requires going to a deeper state. It also requires powerful visualization. You can access this State by either going there: if you are an experienced meditator, or through the help of a Guide/Facilitator.
  5. Replace it. Remember a very positive experience or set a future goal. Work at making this your main thought default rather than the Angry State. In deep state still, try to use all or at least 3 of the main memory stimulators of Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, Olfactory or Gustatory so that you are really ‘living’, feeling, breathing the moment.

This exercise, much like working out at a Gym is only effective if repeated and practised (thus the term ‘exercise’) so that the displacement and replacement become deeply entrenched in the mind, emotions and heart. Working out once, or doing this exercise once isn’t terribly useful. Happy training!

Now, you can be Free!

Rick Titan
Coach & Facilitator