You might find that a long, cold winter – like we are experiencing right now in Calgary! – brings on a case of the Winter doldrums. One of the best (and least expensive!) ways of beating this feeling is by getting rid of old crap that’s been taking up real estate in your mind for a long time. The biggest roadblock to success in business and personal is hanging on to old negative patterning. It simply gets in the way of being ‘Happy, Free & Clear!’
By learning how to ‘Let Go’ of the demons that have been sucking your mental and emotional energy or nagging away, reminding you (in a Bad Way) of an old relationship, career loss, financial blow or other ghost from our past that eats away at your Happiness, you can become more clear-minded, focused and success-oriented. You can move on into our future with a clear conscience, wipe the chalk board clean and drop off the burdens.
The first step (and oftentimes you need the perspective and a bit of provoking from an outside source) is to stop ‘playing’ Victim. Yes, what happened to you may not have been your fault. It may have been a person or situation beyond your control that caused the negative Event.
However, the ‘Hanging On’ part is your responsibility now!
A bit of a slap in the face you might say? Well, sometimes reality sucks. But the beautiful part is that you can control it! You can steer the boat and take control of our own future! The starting point here is that we are human beings. We are not animals. We have opposable thumbs and something (huge!) called Free Will. We don’t run off instinct like the animal kingdom does. Yes, we sometimes have urges and instincts that are automatic within us, yet we have the cognitive ability not to react to these. To leave them as quick thoughts and not take action on these urges. Society deems this appropriate. Otherwise we would live in complete Anarchy!
The black widow spider is known to kill and eat her mate immediately after mating. Why? It’s a built in instinct that somehow her subconscious “knows” that the male spider will eat the eggs! Her babies! Neither of these spiders can control their urges. They are not gifted with the ability to exercise Free Will.
So, that being said – you are not tied and bound to that instinct. You can choose how we want to act and even – how you want to Feel! Truly! – Easier said than done, but nothing worthwhile (Your Happiness!) ever comes easy. It takes work. Much like good, harmonious relationships take work.
Some of the comments I hear from the ‘Victim State’ are “I can’t help it!!” “It’s just the way I am!” “I was born this way!” All I can tell you is that all of this is B.S. It’s a cop-out. We were conditioned that way. We were trained to react that way. It does take discipline to recondition though. Discipline can seem like a dirty word, but it comes from the root Disciple. A Disciple is a Follower. A Follower of Good.
To ‘Let Go’ of old Problems, you have to be open. You have to be willing to make the change. If we cop-out – then there is no hope. You are choosing to live in your own misery and to never let go. The attitude has to be “I can!” and “I will!” “I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get rid of these old negative emotions that have been dominating my mind and turning good times into bad times.” Oftentimes it takes a trauma in life to come to this conclusion. For me, it was breaking my C-5 and C-6 vertebrae wrestling and to hit a rock-bottom of a lost career, many lost relationships, financial ruin and depression to decide to say “Screw you!” to the Victim in my head and take on the thought “I was a Champion before and I can be a Champion again!” By this, I mean in life. Not in wrestling any more. That career was a ‘time-limited offer’ and I knew that going in.
“Whatever it takes” means to find out as much information as possible, to read, to seek out people that are living the way I wanted to live or teaching it. It meant putting on a smile in the mirror at a job I couldn’t stand. Besides, I knew it was temporary. You may need a psychologist, hypnotherapy, personal development seminars, a coach or even a monk to learn New Ways of Thinking.
Here are a few steps to letting go of the old hauntings that are weighing on you:
- To assess or recognize the problem. For this to happen, many times you have to go quite deep. It may take another party to guide you. Also, it may hurt. Taking a look at emotional damages never really feels good! It is, however, the only way to heal them. Get Aware. Find the processes to learn to develop more self awareness. You can’t cure it if you can’t find it. And I don’t mean just the symptoms… I mean right at the Root!
- To figure out how to get rid of the problem. Set the intent. Have a professional take you through the process. Some of you will be able to do this on your own through meditation or deep contemplation.
- From here, dig away until you Pinpoint in precise detail what hurts.
- Displace what hurts. This is so much more than just ‘Positive thinking’. It involves getting into a trance-like state. Again, this needs to be learned unless you already have a process.
- At this stage, strive to make it Feel Neutral. So that it barely has any effect on you. Hard to imagine right now? With practice you will get better and better at it!
- Replace it! This is where you (while in a totally relaxed and happy state) visualize a time in your life when you were completely happy and positive, or create a new memory! Design your life so that this new ‘Memory’ becomes your reality!
If you’ve never ‘gotten into state’ or meditated, a guided meditation is very helpful. Even a relaxation C.D. can get you into the right state.
It is through the practice of these steps that you can be ‘Happy, Free & Clear’ – at last!
Rick Titan
Mind-Set Coach & Professional Speaker
